Show me the way
by Abbey-Lee1
Summary: Bosco loses someone close to him........Please review (Thanks)


Title: Show me the way.  
  
Author: Abbey_Lee  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Third Watch or any of the characters involved with the show. I do not own the song used in this story. It was written by Dennis DeYoung of Styx.  
  
Summary: Bosco loses someone close to him.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Authors Note: This story takes place around the end of the third season.  
  
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I remember the day I stopped believing in God. I was seven years old and I was sitting at the top of the stairs watching my Dad give my Ma one of her weekly beatings. Mikey was hiding under his bed screaming like he always did when they fought. As I sat there looking down on the chaos below I hugged myself close and rocked back and forth listening as my Ma begged him to stop. Every time he hurt her I felt helpless, I was too small to stop him.  
  
It was after I heard Ma yell, "God damn you!" at my Dad that the idea came to me. I felt silly for not thinking of it before because it seemed so simple. I'd ask God to make him stop. Ma always taught me that God answered you're prayers, and she was a good person so God had to help her. I closed my eyes as I sat there and I prayed and I begged God to make my Dad stop hurting her. But he didn't stop; he just kept hitting her and hitting her.  
  
She was on the ground crying now. He gave her one last kick to the gut before he turned and walked away. It was that night as I watched my Ma curled up crying in a tiny ball at the bottom of the stairs that I stopped believing in God. He didn't help her, I asked Him to and He didn't help. I never believed again after that night.  
  
Now I'm a grown man and I find myself wishing that I could believe once again. I just found out that I lost someone I love very much, and I have this great need to know that he's gone to a "better place." I have to know that he's with somebody who can take care of him and keep him safe, the way I never could. Mikey, my little brother is dead, and I wish I could believe that I'd see him again someday.  
  
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Faith was on her way out the door when she heard the telephone ring. She was really tempted to ignore it because she was already late for work, but some gut instinct told her she should pick it up.  
  
"I swear to God, if this turns out to be a telemarketer..hello?"  
  
"Ahh...hey Faith, it's me."  
  
"Bos.? You do know I'm gonna see you in the locker room in about ten minute's right? I mean unless you're planning on being later than usual."  
  
"No, I just wanted to let you know I won't be coming in today."  
  
Faith could hear in his voice that something was definitely wrong.  
  
"Is everything alright?"  
  
"No not really. My Ma just called. Mikey's dead Faith, he overdosed last night."  
  
"Oh no Bosco, I'm so sorry Bos. I..."  
  
"It's okay Faith. I just wanted to let you know. I should get going now anyways, my Ma's a wreck. I have to get over to her place."  
  
"Tell her for me that I said I'm sorry."  
  
"I will."  
  
"Listen do you wanna meet me for a coffee or something after I'm off tonight?"  
  
There was a slight pause and Faith was sure he was going to say no.  
  
"Yeah I guess so. Where and when?"  
  
"The coffee shop across the road from my place at 11:30?"  
  
"Alright I'll see ya there."  
  
Bosco hung up the phone. Faith was in shock. She felt like she should have said something or done something more, but what could she have done?  
  
"Shit!" she said to herself as she walked out the door. Bosco doesn't deserve this. He's been through so much recently.  
  
Faith took her time getting to work. She didn't care if she was late anymore, and If Sgt. Christopher had anything to say about it he could kiss her ass.  
  
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Faith had just bought her coffee and sat down when Bosco walked in. He saw her sitting at the table and tried his best to give her a smile. It took everything in Faiths power not to stand up, run over and give him a hug.  
  
"Hey." He said as he sat down across from her.  
  
"Hey. How's your Mom doing? Considering the circumstances I mean."  
  
"Well she was plastered when I got to her house and she was even more plastered when I left. I was afraid to leave her alone so my Aunts over there with her now."  
  
"And how are you holding up?" Faith asked, trying to get Bosco to look her in the eyes. But he was skillful at avoiding her gaze, choosing instead to concentrate on the table top. He cleared his throat and started fiddling with a packet of sugar.  
  
"I'm holding up alright." He paused for a few seconds. "I think I'm still in shock cause I feel kinda numb all over."  
  
"That'll stop soon." She said.  
  
"I don't want it to stop Faith. I think I like feeling numb right now."  
  
She didn't have a response to that. Again she was overcome with the feeling that she should say something or do something to help him, but what?  
  
"Can I ask you something?" He said, snapping her out of her thoughts.  
  
"Of course you can."  
  
Bosco finally looked up at her. His eyes were watery with unshed tears.  
  
"Do you believe in God Faith?"  
  
"Oh..wow Bosco that's quite the question. Honestly, if you want my honest answer. I don't know. I've never been sure what to believe."  
  
She could see he was hoping for a more concrete answer than that, but unfortunately she didn't have one.  
  
"I don't." He said. "I stopped believing a long time ago, when I was just a little kid. But now...now I feel like I have to believe, because if I don't you know what that means? That means Mikey's nowhere, he's just gone and I'm never gonna get to see him again."  
  
The tears that were threatening to spill earlier now slipped down Bosco's cheeks. He looked back down at the table top, feeling embarrassed for loosing control in front of Faith again. She reached across the table and took both of his hands in hers, ignoring the tears building up in her own eyes.  
  
"Bos, just because you don't believe in something doesn't mean you have to lose all hope that it might exist. You may not know for a fact if there's a God or a heaven, but that doesn't mean you have to stop hoping they might real."  
  
What Faith was saying made a lot of sense, but Bosco didn't trust himself to respond. It was taking the remaining strength he had left not to completely break down, and he'd be damned if he was going to sob all over the place in a coffee shop.  
  
They sat there talking for a long time. Bosco told Faith about all his good childhood memories of Mikey. It felt good to talk about him, and Faith was happy to listen. She was just glad he was opening up to her and not keeping everything bottled up inside. It usually wasn't this easy to get inside Maurice Boscorelli's head.  
  
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Bosco opened the door of the small church and stepped inside. He started to slowly make his way down the isle towards a sea of flickering candles placed at the front. As he walked the lyrics to a song flooded into his head. It was one Mikey use to play all the time. Bosco never really liked it, but now it seemed to eerily mirror how he'd been feeling ever since he found out Mikey died.  
  
"Every night I say a prayer in the hopes that there's a heaven.  
  
And every day I'm more confused as saints turn into sinners. All the hero's and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay.  
  
And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that I've lost my faith.  
  
Show me the way, show me the way.  
  
Take me tonight to the river  
  
And wash my illusions away.  
  
Show me the way."  
  
Bosco lit a candle and bent down on his knee's bowing his head.  
  
"And as I slowly drift to sleep, for a moment dreams are sacred.  
  
I close my eyes and know there's peace in a world so filled with hatred.  
  
Then I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we've so far to go.  
  
And I keep on hoping for a sign, so afraid that I just won't know.  
  
Show me the way, show me the way.  
  
Take me tonight to the mountain  
  
And wash my confusion away.  
  
Show me the way."  
  
For the first time since he was seven years old Bosco prayed. He prayed to a God he found it hard to believe in, but still hoped existed.  
  
"And if I see light, should I believe?  
  
Tell me how will I know?  
  
Show me the way, show me the way.  
  
Take me tonight to the river And wash my illusions away.  
  
Show me the way, show me the way.  
  
Give me the strength and the courage  
  
To believe that I'll get there some day.  
  
Show me the way."  
  
Bosco looked up to the ceiling of the church, the shadows that were being cast from the candle light flickering in front of him danced along his face.  
  
"Please, if he's with You somewhere, take care of him for me until I get there."  
  
He bowed his head again and said a prayer in the hopes that there's a heaven, and if there was, that God would show him the way one day so he could be with Mikey again to tell him how sorry he was that he didn't protect him.  
  
"Every night I say a prayer in the hopes that there's a heaven....."  
  
The End. 


End file.
